"Dare to dream, hope, believe, seek, feel, find, and love."
~Chinese fortune
This
morning I had one of those mother-child moments that was both extraordinary and
ordinary.
“I
think you’re a pretty good egg, Big Guy,” I said to my son after he remembered
that I’d asked him to unload the dishwasher, “regardless of what everyone else
says about you.”
He
smiled.
He
knows.
One
of my week’s Happy Moments came when my work involved accompanying his soccer
team to a game.
His
coach and I had a rambling conversation about students and teaching and
parenting and shared different experiences.
He
was expressing a few concerns about his son’s quiet nature and wondering if it
might lead to him being overlooked or becoming a target for bullying.
His
kindergarten son was reading at such an advanced level the teachers were sending
him to read with second grade classes.
I
shared with this father how my own son had many of the same traits when he was
younger and how they ultimately conveyed into him being someone who leads by example more than authority.
“If
B grows up to be anything like your Big Guy I’ll be one happy father,” he said.
This young man's peers also voted him in as National Honor Society President
That
right there should be in every parent’s handbook: Tell other parents they’re
doing a good job.
Hearing
from others that our hard work is appreciated, that validation that we have
achieved some modicum of success as a parent is so rewarding for us, isn’t it?
Lord
knows there are plenty of people who tell us when we aren’t getting it right.
As
a mom, it’s my job to let my children know when they’re doing something wrong,
but I feel it’s equally important to let them know when they’re making positive
splashes in the world around them.
And,
like this morning, I try to let them know when they are bright spots in my day.
“So,”
Big Guy says to me as he put a mixing bowl into the cupboard, “on that note, I
have something to tell you.”
“Is
this where you tell me that you got a speeding ticket?”
I ask half-jokingly. Though he is a responsible driver, he does seem to have inherited my lead foot.
I ask half-jokingly. Though he is a responsible driver, he does seem to have inherited my lead foot.
He
laughed. “No, not that. I’m on the Homecoming Court.”
After
a little banter about parents showing up at the dance I promised not to
embarrass him any more than any of the other parents would their kids.
But
truth be told, I wouldn’t have thought about intruding on the school’s soiree;
I would have just taken photos at the football game like I did during Fave’s
senior court nomination presentations.
I
still might do just that…but then again...there are memories to be made!
After
our light-hearted repartee, I ended up chasing Big Guy through the house with
both of us in a side-splitting laugh, as I tried to give him a kiss…
Laughter.
It does the body, the brain, and the family bonds good…
I
had another sort of homecoming this week, Journeyer, one that involves my
marriage.
You
know how we sometimes reach a point where we don’t see hope or where we’re
ready to throw in that proverbial towel?
We
find ourselves thinking about ways out of our situation, imagining a different
life without realizing that we’re doing so.
We
do it all the time: We dream about having a different boss, a different job…house…car…and
that family who lives three doors down?
Yeah.
We want their lawn.
“You
can’t work on a marriage if you’re walking away from it.” That’s basically what
our new counselor said.
“What
have you done to come toward the marriage this week?” he asked us during our
recent session.
One
of the things Warren did was to set up this little welcome home surprise that
greeted me at the end of a very long work day.
I
felt uplifted and loved.
But
the sad truth of the matter is that I still had one foot out the door, and so
those feelings were fleeting.
“I’m
afraid I haven’t been successful in that department,” I replied to our
therapist’s question.
I’ve
known for a couple of weeks that I either needed to step back in or step all
the way out, but I kept lamenting to myself that I didn’t know how to do
either.
At
the end of the session I realized something about myself: my inaction was
making me feel a bit petulant.
I
chose to turn off the separation notions and to lean back into my marriage.
Like
philosopher Lao Tzu says, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with one
step.”
Following
that session, Warren and I went out to a favorite Chinese restaurant, where the
Fortune Gods validated my decision to step back toward my marriage: "Dare to dream, hope, believe, seek, feel, find, and love."
Speaking
of strides, I was so glad to get out today and take Thunder dog and myself for
a walk!
Look at the light bursting through the foliage!
With
all of the extra hours at work, it’s been almost two weeks since we’ve had a
decent jaunt, so today we went about a mile-and-a-half.
Look
at the colors and the glorious light that adorned my path!
Other
moments that brought me back to my happy center include Fave sending me a photo of some silliness he and Squirrel were hatching...
A long talk on the phone with Beauty...
And the insurance notice
that I have been granted a new, non-smoker rating, complete with a rebate check!
November
16 will mark eight years since I kicked my
smoking addiction to the curb and I can honestly say that
hardly a day goes by that I don’t rejoice being a recovering smoker...
One
of the things I did when I quit smoking was to set aside what would have been
cigarette money, which I used to treat myself with things like a shopping spree
or a day trip and a show in New York City.
We
should always remember to pamper ourselves now and again.
This
is one of the first weekends in months where I had two days with no travel
planned and no obligations, and it couldn’t come at a better time given a cold
that started three days ago.
Since
Warren is out of town on a job, I decided to end the week by inviting a friend
over for a movie night.
She
brought the popcorn and I set up a pedicure station…
And though the film wasn't quite what I'd hope it would be, the camaraderie was stellar!
I
can’t think of a better way to round out a week…
What
about you, Journeyer? What experiences signaled the arrival or return of your
own happy moments this past week?
Until
next time, yours in healing, hope, and happiness…
~AE
Annah - I can only hope that my boys grow into the wonderful adult you have raised. You're right - I always feel like I'm screwing it up. And I'm glad you're leaning in now. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteHi, LIv!
ReplyDeleteParenting can be such a daunting task, can't it!? Thank you for those kind words... {blushing}
Somehow I think there is plenty of positive validation circling around you and your children. Be sure to be as mindful of your accomplishments as you are of your doubts!
I am. Thanks Annah!
DeleteExcellent! :)
Delete